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Posts Tagged ‘Hurt’


So here it is. Here is the truth about me. I am a cutter. I cut people out of my life. I do. But there are so many reasons behind it. Tell me if you have been here?!

Someone spreads rumors about you, you confront them. They someone in the timespan of a month or two have been able to turn friends against you that you have had for 5 years. What do you do? You didn’t even actually do anything to these other people, let alone the rumors that were spread were completely false. You point out to the person who spread the rumors that the people they are “friends” with are the same one that have turned their back on them becaus they just wanted to party. They are the same ones that “stole” your boyfriend from you. You are able to forgive them, but I get none? And for what?! What did I do? I didn’t hang out with you, I borrowed your clothes (as you did mine)?
So I cut. I cut that person and all my old friends out of my life. No one ever even asked me if the rumors where true… and no one even told me if exactly what she was spreading besides saying I was cheating on my then boyfriend (I can assure you I did not).

Somone is upset at you for telling your husband a story he has heard a thousand times over. Your husband decides it has gotten to the point where he needs to involve/share this with the dad. The person is mad at your because of your husbands actions. When you tell them that you did not know he was going to say anything, they don’t care. Yet, they have forgiven a person who has done them wrong 100x’s over and I get the ax because of something my husband did (which he did for a good reason.. he was not being a gossiper). Then they come back years later wanting to be your friend again, but still won’t say they were wrong in the first place?! I cut.

The problem with my cutting is that I never just cut the one person. I cut everyone. Anyone that sides or has compassion for the person I am cutting (when they know what happened), I cut them too. I cut so many people out because I am so hurt by one person.

I say I am able to separate relationships and I am.. as long as it is not me who is getting screwed. I am able to separate my mom and my sister having a fight. I am able to let someone confide in my about a friend without it being an issue for me and the other friend. I am able to separate, but when it comes to me.. if you side with the wrong party then you got to go.

But where does that leave me? I will tell you. It leaves me with me…. but I am so stubborn on the subject that there is no way I am able to let people back in without an apology of sorts. I am a person who needs to hear the words I am sorry or I was wrong or it came out wrong.

Things from almost 10 years ago still piss me off, so obviously there is no forgiving or forgetting with me. I am a grudge holder for 2 people that used to be in my life and because of the one person I lost about …. 15-20 friends. Because of the other, I lost them…. which was enough to hurt especially cause I spoke to this person literally everyday for close to 2 years, if not a little more.

So there it is.. are you like me?

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Okay, so we have PSE&G for our electric and since we have started receiving bills, they have been a bit on the high side.  The first one was $200+  The second one was $400+ .  When I saw that is was $400 I almost died.  Like literally, I almost fainted. I called them up and they said “Whoa, that does seem a bit high, we will put your account on hold for the moment, and when your normal reader comes out we will get a new reading for next month.  I thought, Oh great!  Finally, I just need my regular reader. The third bill comes and It is almost $800 dollars.  Yes you are reading that correct.  $800 bucks for an apartment that I send 3 hours a night awake in and 9 hours sleeping in.  I am gone from 5:15am till roughly about 5:30 to 6:00pm.  We have a tv, computer, cable, box fan, lights.  That is about it.  My apartment is about 790sqft.  I mean how are two people who are barely home using that much?  We do not turn on the AC until we go to bed at night, even on the weekends when we are home.  We do not use it until we go to sleep, simple as that.

So I called up the company again and complained.  I explained all of the above and the guy on the phone said. Sorry, but you owe that.  *UGH*.  Are you freaking kidding me. I mean I must be on a game show right?  I HAVE TO BE ON A GAME SHOW.  Ugh,  Well, since we had to pay up I started turning off every light every time, no exceptions. I looked up how much my freaking box fan is costing me (at most $25 bucks).. that is do able.  I looked up how much my stupid Belkin power strip costs me…. it is not supposed to cost me anything. Then I have this idea to look up my cable box.  My stupid comcast cable box and I find out that my cable box uses 2.88KW per hour. I looked up how much a KW costs. .23cent an hour.. Oh ok not bad. Well that ends up being $400 bucks a month if you leave yours on 24/7 like we do.  We turn off the TV but Trent has hunting shows that he wants to DVR while we are sleeping and we just don’t turn it off (It is not his fault.. when he is not DVRing something we don’t turn it off either).   So this stupid Comcast box, that barely works as it is, is sucking my money out of my wallet faster than I can even stand it. I feel like puking…. This is my rant.

I am going to go cry now.

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