What are you doing for the Superbowl? Anything fun? Trent and I cooked up one steaks, I am laying in bed and rooting for my Patriots! Haha. I am not a huge follower of football, so I just picked a team and am going with it.
So I have something on my heart, but I do not want to put a person out because I discussed it on the internet with my closest invisible friends. Ok, I will not mention names. The girl in the story will be Jane and the boy will be John. Ok so Jane and John started dating a while ago. I think close to two years now. They dated for a couple weeks and decided to move in together. They have spoken about getting married, but John wants Jane to have at least half of her student loans payed off. I think the reason for this is because John wants to make sure Jane has enough ambition to pay off the loan. He has money and I think he is just being careful. Now I am not around to see the whole relationship play out but for a while now John has been kind of blowing Jane off. He will not come home from work to go hang out with guys in a pull barn and talk about work and drink some beers. He will text Jane and tell her he will be home by 7 or so and then does not show up until 11. He does this several times a week which is pretty frustrating for Jane because it is not like you can make sure dinner is ready if the person never comes home for it. They have spoken about it and he sees the problem, and changes a little bit but than goes back to the same habit. Well this week he told her for the last minute that he was going to the away for the weekend. So he did not give her any notice and called her and told her that he was leaving at 10pm. She texted him and he did not respond and well you get the pic.
Well she has decided to move out. Which I think is a good thing but I do not think it will solve the problem. I really think they need to date for a while without living with one another. They moved in together with the promise of dating not the promise of marriage in the future. So they never got to miss one another, there has been a “pressure” on the relationship from day one for marriage. Now personally, I do not think people should live together before they are married, but they have decided to and that is their choice. I do however think that they need 6-8 months of just regular dating. Making that time for one another and not just thinking “Well they will be home when I get home” ya know? I think it will make him chase her a little bit and I think that is what he needs. I think men need the space and the chase. What do you guys think?
I think that I would like to be in bed watching the Superbowl but am instead yearning for half time so we can celebrate our eldest’s 1/2 birthday.
Oh. You mean what do I think about John and Jane?
I think they both sound a bit immature for a committed relationship. Your suggestion of dating without playing married is a good one. Perhaps they will both learn to talk face-to-face rather than text-to-text…
Praying your friends find their peace.
I hope you had fun during your half time celebration. Did you Vogue? Hahaha.
I agree with the previous comment! I don’t have personal experience with the “moving in too quickly” scenario, but most couples I know that have done this seem to have quite a few troubles. “John” seems a bit shady. I’m all for boys nights and spending time with friends, but consistently coming in late and taking unplanned trips would make me suspicious. I would encourage her to step away from the situation entirely. She might be able to see things a little differently from that perspective.
Hoping things turn out well!
Yeah, I think right now she is able to gain some persepctive even though it is difficult. I think the boys night out thing sounded worse than it actually is. He is litterally hanging out with people his parents age in a barn. It is just that he does it every night without thought to what else he should be doing, which is the problem.. or one of them. Thanks, I hope things turn out well too!
I echo the other comments. It sounds to me like moving in too quickly is not the core of the problem. It’s John’s self-centered attitude. He sounds too immature to be in an adult relationship.
Yes, I too think he is a bit on the self centered side and I am also sure there are many layers of the problem that I do not know about. I have only seen them interact as a couple a handfull of times, so I can only draw my conclusions from what is told to me.